A Heart That Beats for Home
My journey as a wife and mom has been an incredible source of growth and learning, and I'm thrilled to share the insights I've gained with you through this podcast. Each episode is a heartfelt exploration of what truly makes a house feel like a home, drawing from my own experiences and the valuable lessons I've gathered along the way.
Whether you've been a parent for years, are embarking on the adventure of newlywed life, or are navigating the beautiful complexities of family dynamics, I hope you'll discover something meaningful here.
Throughout our conversations, we'll delve into topics such as parenting, marriage, achieving harmony between work and home life, fostering thriving relationships, and infusing faith into our daily experiences. My goal is to create a welcoming space where we can come together, share our stories, and offer support as we journey towards building strong and loving families.
I extend a heartfelt invitation for you to walk alongside me on this journey of growth and exploration, resonating with the rhythm of "A Heart That Beats for Home." Together, we can flourish and learn as we delve into the depths of parenthood, marriage, and the essence of family life.
A Heart That Beats for Home
53. Beauty From Ashes Story: Kristina Weir - Looking for God Winks in the Depths of Suffering
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Our guest, Kristina Weir, bravely shares her journey through two major health battles, beginning with being diagnosed with breast cancer at just 30 years old. As Kristina recounts the whirlwind of emotions and the dismissal she faced, we reflect on the unexpected blessings that can arise from such challenges. Now a mother of two grown sons, Kristina offers a heartfelt perspective on embracing life's trials with grace and using them as a springboard for personal growth and to uplift.
Kristina’s experience with breast cancer sheds light on the profound role that helpers and a supportive network can play in our darkest moments. A simple act of kindness from another survivor illustrates the power of shared experiences and the comforting reassurance they can bring, showcasing the beauty of human connection.
Striking a balance between traditional and holistic medicine, Kristina reveals how she managed her cancer treatments and inspired her oncologist along the way. Her story is one of resilience, faith, and gratitude, reminding us of the beauty that can emerge from life's ashes.
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Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home. Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance. I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do. My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families. We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home. No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home. Let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Hello friends, welcome back to another episode here at A Heart that Beats for Home. We're grateful to have you with us for another week here, coming into almost spring, which is so wonderful, and I am excited to have a very special guest with us today, a dear friend. One of my favorite things about this podcast is that you guys are getting to meet some of the most precious people in my life and I get to sit at their feet as well and learn from them. So today is episode two in our Beauty from Ashes series that we are doing this year. We're sprinkling these throughout the season just so that we can hear stories of resilience, of God's goodness, of persevering through trials, and just how we can use the hard times that everyone goes through, but how we can use these hard times to grow in our life and to help others.
Speaker 1:My dear friend Christina Ware, and to help others. My dear friend Christina Ware is here with us today. Christina is married, she has two precious boys, is in a new stage of empty nesting that hopefully we'll get to talk a minute about, and she has been through quite a roller coaster on her health journey that we're going to talk about today. Christina, would you just tell our listeners a little bit about who you are, your family, where you're at, and then we're going to jump into just a fun conversation.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I'm so excited to get to hang out with you. I don't get to see you as much as I would love to, but I'm Christina Ware. I live in Tupelo Mississippi. Most importantly, I am a mom to two boys that are semi-adulting. Both of them are at college. I've got a senior and freshman in college. I've been married to my best friend, jay, and we can never remember how long we've been married, but it will be 28 years If I did the math right, 28 years this summer. And it's so interesting. I would say that sort of my life. If I had to summarize my life, it's a whole bunch of blessings and funny looking packages.
Speaker 1:Blessings and funny looking packages, things that we don't know are right around the corner, right, and if we could go back, I love this kind of theme that's happening on Instagram right now, where it's you're acting as if you're sitting with your younger self and all of the things that you might tell your younger self now, at this stage, I know you shared with me, and I think it's important for our listeners to know that you are 56 years old and you have had, in these different packages that have shown up to you maybe that you didn't know were coming or maybe wouldn't have wished for yourself, 20 years apart, two very, very major events in your life, and so if you will take us back to your first real battle with your health, back when you were 30, just kind of give us a little setup for what life looked like, what was going on and what the news that you were given, yeah, so you know, I was doing what most young couples do.
Speaker 2:We were just, we were married, my husband was in law school, I was working in corporate America as a CPA, working probably too many hours but, honestly, just focusing on the next thing, I noticed that I had a soreness in my left breast and so I immediately went to the only doctor that I had at that point in time in my life. I was 29, about to be 30, so the only doctor I had was an OBGYN. So I called him and he quickly dismissed it and I continue to be concerned about it. So I made an appointment, went in and just said this is concerning. I just want to make sure everything's okay.
Speaker 2:So back then again, it was 2000 and really insurance was not paying for mammograms for anyone under 40. And so I went ahead and agreed that I just wanted a mammogram. And what's interesting is that point in time he asked me three questions. He was like do you have any family history? And I said yes, on my father's side, and he was like well, that's great, breast cancer doesn't come down that side. And I was thinking I think I'm half and half the other thing. He was like no, you don't have any children, right? And at that time we did not have any children and he was like, okay, that's, that's a good thing too. And then he said, does it hurt? And I said yes, and he said, oh, all these three things are good. And he said, you know, you're so young, it's probably nothing.
Speaker 2:Well, fast forward. What actually happened was I had a mammogram a couple of hours later and I literally was waiting in the room for the results and I got impatient. I don't know if anyone else has that situation, but and I haven't even told you this part of the story, nikki but I went outside and pulled this is before looking on your phone at records I pulled the chart hanging outside of my door and I walked in because I was tired of waiting, and I looked at it and it said possible cancer. And you guys, I remember being so shocked. I was young, I was healthy, I was exercising, there was nothing going on in my life that would indicate that there would be something wrong, and I was literally on the operating table the next morning at 6 am for a biopsy. And so what started out is something that I had to really push forward to get the next step to happen. Once that happened, things rolled very quickly and so I found out I had early stages breast cancer.
Speaker 2:Just married, my husband was about to graduate from law school and I made a pretty radical decision. I decided at that point in time to do a bilateral Again. Back in that time, insurance was only paying for the side that actually had cancer. And so, side note, my sweet husband, who was graduating from law school, got to use his new skills. He literally went and walked into the office of the insurance company that we had and asked to speak to the chief medical officer. I don't even know why they let him in there, but they did. And you guys, he literally was an advocate to have insurance pay for both. And so after seven surgeries in nine months I did say seven, I was, it was not in my lymph nodes I was blessed to not have to do chemotherapy during that cancer, and so really, life looked different, gave us different classes, and there's so many pieces of the story, but that's just the beginning.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay. So what sticks out to me immediately is the powerhouse of you and your sweet husband, jay, which none of this surprises me. But you going outside and getting the chart, like, okay, if nobody's going to come, tell me, I'm just going to go ahead and try to read through this foreign language Although possible cancer is not foreign language. That's pretty plain and clear. But to grab that chart for Jay to march into that insurance office. I love that about you and I think, in so many different people that I have spoken with just in life that have walked through similar health battles, the desire to fight and the desire to advocate, I think, is a part of making it through, and so I just love that about you guys. Okay, so you're 30 years old, you're newlywed, you have bilateral. So talk to me about what that feels like emotionally as a woman newly married having to make that decision.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, you know there's a lot of emotions. So I'm a processor and a doer. So what that means is I immediately roll into get it done mode Some of you can relate which means that keeps you really mentally occupied until after it's done. And so really emotionally I didn't. Things happened so quickly. I would just say honestly, I remember my mom saying to me I guess three weeks after my major surgery, first major surgery, and she said I keep waiting for you to cry. There was, it was, it was. So I was so overwhelmed by getting the job done to be an advocate. I kept saying I'm the only. All of these people are great, but I'm the only one that goes home with my body, so I get to really go first asking questions about my health.
Speaker 2:So I think, with so much on getting getting the job done, asking the right questions, not just taking that surface answer, that I don't think I processed everything emotionally until a year later, which sounds incredibly odd maybe, but I was so busy, having seven surgeries in nine months. I went on FMLA with my accounting firm, but because of who I was, I was still doing work and taking calls. I remember several surgeries my husband would say put down your phone. You were in the hospital and I was like, but I could just get this one thing done. So again, how you do some things is how you do everything. So I'm on task, I'm getting things done. But I think here really is the nugget of that if I could tell myself when it started is it's okay to move that to do list to the side and check on your emotional to-do list?
Speaker 2:Because I think so many times we find ourselves immersed in things that are hard, surprising, and we charge first and we feel later, and I think there are some repercussions for that. For sure, I was talking to a friend of mine about watching a big football player cry last night and I was like, and everyone was like I can't believe he's crying. And I was like to a friend of mine about watching a big football player cry last night and I was like everyone was like I can't believe he's crying. And I was like you guys, we need to normalize crying, Like hey, that's a great emotion, like yay for him crying. You know to handle and to just feel the emotions. And that's still something I think at 56, I'm still learning. I'm still learning how to it's okay to process those emotions.
Speaker 2:So it was a year later that I actually really kind of processed what had happened, what was going on. But I think the thing that helped me through each stage of hard was I kept looking for the God winks. I kept looking for the helpers and then when you look for the helpers and you meet the helpers, you eventually become the helper. I don't know if you ever watched the movie about Mr Rogers' life, and it's really it's an interesting movie. But in the movie he talks about when times get hard, look for the helpers because they're there. You may call them God weeks, but they're all around you and it really helps you get in a grateful spirit versus an overwhelmed spirit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just a total change of focus. For sure I know listeners are going to want to know and I want to know if you're willing to walk us through it Seven surgeries, why? Why was there seven surgeries in what I would, in my naivety, would think, if that's one or maybe two surgeries, what was that crazy amount for?
Speaker 2:So the first surgery, which was a biopsy which all of these surgeries I went to sleep for, so I call them all surgeries, so biopsy. And then I had a four hour bilateral mastectomy. I woke up and found out that they did not get good margins, so I had a choice of either radiation or going back in, and so I chose going back in, which is interesting. Then I had expanders put in, which is a whole nother conversation for another day. It's like a deflated balloon that they gradually put saline in to help stretch your muscle. Then I had an adjustment because something wasn't going right with my expander, and then then they replaced the expanders with permanent implants. And then I had another surgery to put on all my toppers.
Speaker 1:Wow. So it, and I think this is so important. I actually have a girlfriend who's walking through this and trying to make some decisions and I think you know there is so much that it two, two parts here, christina. So first of all, thank you for being willing to have an honest conversation. We have a really heavily populated female listening group, so for the male or two that might listen, this is good information for everybody to have. But two different things that I really appreciate when guests are willing to talk about is the true, raw emotions and the nitty gritty. I remember a couple of weeks ago when I did the podcast about my bladder surgery that I just had and I'm like I don't like I'm literally halfway through recording it. I'm like I don't know that I can be talking about the fact that I was peeing my pants when I would take a walk. No-transcript, the name of it is. It's that one with the girl or her emotions? Is it called Inside Out?
Speaker 2:Yes, it is.
Speaker 1:That is the number one animated movie and I was shocked to hear that. And they just said because everybody can relate to a single human being wrestling with all of these emotions and I feel like our world expects us to be on display with all the healthy emotions and then we all hide the ones that we would deem as unhealthy. And I think crying for some reason has fallen into that unhealthy and I just appreciate you being willing to say like there actually can be danger even to your health when you stuff all of those feelings that need to come out. So I think that's powerful. Talk to me a little bit more about and you said it was a Mr Rogers thing the helpers. I'm assuming that you're talking about just those people in your life the doctors, the nurses, the surgeons, the friend, the person that brings the meal Is that kind of what you're relating to?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, yeah, they're everywhere. Honestly, it can be like a random person sitting next to you in a waiting room. Honestly, because I think when you look for the helpers, you realize what a difference that can make and how, what a small effort is required on someone who wants to be a helper. It's just going that extra mile, it's going that extra step.
Speaker 2:And so for me, honestly, it was the first helper that I saw was my husband just saying we're going to take care of this, I'm going to go do this and all I kept thinking was you're a law student, you're going to bust up in there and you know he wasn't afraid to ask and he wasn't afraid to go first. But then it was just the way that the doctors fell into place, the specific nurses that were there. I was horrifically horribly terrified of IV needles. I still work through that on a daily basis and it's kind of funny. But just seeing the people come in, the kindness and and just being excited that those people are there on purpose, as in, that person was chosen to be your IV nurse, as your helper, as your God wink and so. And then it was friends showing up. It was gosh.
Speaker 2:When I had my bilateral mastectomy, my room just happened to be on a floor right next to a waiting area, so I had my best friend from college, my best friend post-college were sitting there and we still, when we get together, they tell the stories of the funny things that happened in that waiting room that I missed out on and it's one of our favorite stories to tell and it's just you look at that and you think while so much hard was going on, really the helpers were everywhere, from friends that called and reached out. Gosh, even now I get calls on a regular basis, even from you hey, I've got a friend that had breast cancer. Would you be willing to talk to them? And I was like I, I'm honored to be asked, I'm absolutely honored to be asked.
Speaker 2:The most specific helper, though, that I want to mention going through breast cancer is you can imagine being almost 30 and you think, gosh, what is it going to look like afterwards? And so I was talking to my surgeon and he said you know, I have a friend who was a young girl because at this point in time no one talked about it. I was really kind of sort of a unicorn in this industry, having breast cancer so early. And he set me up with a lady just to talk to on the phone, just to hear her experience. And you guys, you know what she did. She met me for lunch and after lunch she said do you want to go into the bathroom? And y'all, she showed me her chest in the bathroom and I saw that and I thought in the bathroom, and I saw that and I thought I just met you and you're literally saying it's going to be okay.
Speaker 2:It was before all my. You know it was. It was before my surgery started. I mean, I knew I had cancer, but I was like that. I will never forget, I'll never forget her.
Speaker 1:That's powerful and let's not forget that. And I hate to even say this, that was before the internet. Now a person could Google at least the internet as we know it now. Now a person could Google that and have a lot of confirmation of you know before and afters. But what a gift. And I think just the heart of women, like not just the heart of women, the heart of good people who really recognize, like this is hard. I've done hard and let me show you that you're going to be okay. What like a tangible gift that she gave you in that moment? Are you still in contact with her?
Speaker 2:I am not. No, we never talked again. I mean, she checked on me afterwards and what's so interesting is, you know, you just think, oh. And she was like I'd love to have lunch. You know, we've used the same doctor. I'd love to show you. And then she was like do you want to go to the bathroom? And I'll show you. And I was like, because here is what is available to everyone, are pictures that don't necessarily relate to you, sure, or stories that don't relate to you, but she did relate to me because she was young, we had the same positions, and so, rather than being am I going to look like that? I was like, wow, I, that's great.
Speaker 2:You know and what's interesting is on two different occasions I've been that person for somebody. I've gone to their house to comfort them and I'm like I will show you, I will show you Right and it's, it's unique.
Speaker 1:It's not probably everyone's comfort zone and honestly it's definitely not mine, but I'll never forget that gift and I'm always willing to pay that forward the point that that was 26 years ago that that happened and you still remember that, and I think when you talk about these helpers and these Godwings, it is such an encouragement for every one of us listening and myself, that the smallest thing that you do for somebody they might still remember a quarter of a century later. As you said, she was one of the most instrumental helpers and she probably, to this day, has no idea the impact that she left on you and that ripple effect. For you to have now an insight as to that's a specific way that I can be a helper to others that are in this situation. And so you go back to work. This is behind you. I'm sure you're doing those, those checks. What then? Talk to us about how that looks down the road.
Speaker 2:So it's called the new normal, but it's also called you realize, you reflect back and you're like this could be the blessing in the funny looking packages. You know the small things that would irritate me before, the things that my priorities rearranged almost instantly. I did go back and work for about three months and then made a decision that I wanted to walk away, and so I walked away from my corporate America job, which was a huge leap of faith, honestly but time and choices mattered more than my corner office and my six figure salary and I had new glasses. It was. You can't unknow some things that you experience in your life, and hopefully you know for me, my faith and the way that God shapes you through that, and hopefully you know for me, my faith and the way that God shapes you through that. You know I want to be responsible for what I know, and what I know is that time is precious and so are choices, and so after that, I walked away from corporate America and we started a family.
Speaker 2:It's very interesting being pregnant and having just nothing change up top. That was another fun thing. I didn't get super hot, I wasn't just all chest, and so I had a successful pregnancy and had our son Jake, and we just moved forward and I would share my story on a couple of occasions and I would have people reach out, but it was something we took with us and the lessons, and I didn't keep the hard in my backpack because that wouldn't have served me or anyone else. And so what I did was I looked back and I thought you know, because of breast cancer I was able to and really I was able to get new glasses. A lot of people get new glasses in their life toward.
Speaker 2:I heard a quote last night that said our life is the longest thing that we do and you have the freedom to make it a good one. And I love that, because there's so much in life that we can talk about. That's been hard. Because there's so much in life that we can talk about, that's been hard. But through the hard and through that, you come out refined and you can't unknow that. And so I just made a mental decision I'm not going to pack the hard in my backpack Because that was behind me. I'm going to talk about the good and I'm going to share really who I was before and what I've become because of it.
Speaker 1:Perspective right, it's just all about that perspective. I mean, I wrote that down, Christina. That's powerful. I did not keep the heart in my backpack and I think so often we ourselves or we run into people and you can just tell man, they are holding on, they are stuck, they cannot move forward past the heart and their choice is keeping them there instead of being able to release and move forward. I also love that you said Be responsible for what I know, and I think that's that's a super powerful one for any of us in any in any stage of life. Once, once you know you need to do better or to take action, and so I love those two. So you've had your first baby, sweet Jake. Then you have Mr Charlie and you're rocking and rolling. You've got these kids. 20 years has passed by from breast cancer, and then what happens?
Speaker 2:Most of us just have a regular doctor's visit with our OBGYN and so in going to I was because I didn't have any lymph node involvement. I was not assigned an oncologist but I requested one because I said I just need someone following me again, just being an advocate for you. I even requested mammograms and they would say every year ma'am, why are you?
Speaker 2:here. You've had bilaterals and I was like I'm here for my peace of mind, and so I continued just to go occasionally. But I would also go to my annual visits, and my OBGYN encouraged me to do genetic testing. It's something that people talk about now. I will tell you, years ago to participate in genetic testing, it wasn't covered by insurance and it was significantly expensive, so it wasn't something that a lot of people did. That's, of course, changed now, because information is knowledge and so that's very affordable now, and so he encouraged me to be part of genetic testing. It's a very simple blood test and I mean they test for all types of genetic things, and so the short story is the first genetic testing that I did, everything came back fine, but I had an insignificant variance and I was like, okay, you got to tell me a little bit about what that means. They just said there's just odd gene, we're not putting it in any category, we'll watch it and should it become significant, you will be notified by the company that is holding all this information. I didn't think one thing about it.
Speaker 2:Two years later I went for my, because I guess after babies you go every two years Now. I went back and my OBGYN was like you need to do genetic testing. I was like, remember, we did that before? And he was like, yeah, but we've got a new database God wink, I said a new database. And he was like, yeah, we're with a new company and we want you to redo that. And I was like, okay, fine. And so I left and didn't come back till three months later. I said I'm going to hurry, I'll come back for that blood work later. You know me and IV needles. And so, you guys, I went back, did the blood test and that very insignificant variance was labeled a BRCA2 gene and a lot of you are familiar with the BRCA1 and 2. I think Angelina Jolie was the first person really to start talking about it many, many years ago and she did elective, maybe hysterectomy and bilaterals. She did all the things Because what I knew at that time was that genetic testing was important and okay, what am I going to do with this?
Speaker 2:So long story short, he was like, well, you have the BRCA2 gene, you need to do a hysterectomy tomorrow. And I was like that's funny, but I've got a lot of fun things planned in the next couple of months, and so another just sort of medical tip. Just sidebar, there's something called a CA125. It's just a protein that we all have. It's a level that we all. It adjusts based on inflammation. Sometimes it could be something like endometriosis. It could be a lot of things. And so we made a deal. My OBGYN and I made a deal. He was like you're BRCA2. If your CA125 is in the normal category between one and 30, you can wait until after your fun trips that you want to go on to do a hysterectomy. If it's not, we're going to get more serious. And so I was like sure. And so he called me and he was like Christina, your CA-125 needs to be between one and 30 and your number's 314.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow, so we got more serious.
Speaker 2:And so that's silence. And again I get in processing mode and he said come on in, we're going to do a quick ultrasound and see if I can see anything. They could not see anything. And so I said to him I said thank you for all this information. I'm going to go back to where I started with all my breast cancer journey, back in a whole nother town. And I said I want to go back there. And he was like absolutely. I said because you know, even though you can't see anything, when I do have a hysterectomy I want all hands on deck if they find something.
Speaker 2:So when I went back to go see my oncologist he said, quote you don't look like you have cancer. And I was like okay, great, then it's probably just something random, but I'm still going to get a hysterectomy. I was literally on the verge of almost being 50. And I knew we were finished with babies and so I was okay with that. But you guys, I didn't have any symptoms. He was like are you bloated? Do you have any weird like you know middle, you know section pain? And I was like have you ever been a girl?
Speaker 1:That's a broad question.
Speaker 2:Have you had a pizza late at night? You know, I was like and this is the reason why ovarian cancer I'm just such a huge advocate for it because it's so quiet. But after the surgery I woke up and, you guys, there had been a golf ball sized tumor hiding behind my left ovary. I had zero symptoms. I was still ovulating, doing all the things. I didn't have anything abnormal. An ultrasound showed zero because it was hiding behind my left ovary. What caught it was genetic testing and that CA-125. And my oncologist looked at me and he said and my oncologist looked at me and he said we very rarely have people that have stage one ovarian cancer. And it was shocking.
Speaker 1:It really was Stage one, just because it doesn't get recognized until later.
Speaker 2:So he was just commenting that you found it really early. Yes, he said I don't find a lot of people that cause they stage cancer, you know, depending on what you have, and because ovarian cancer is so quiet and there are very few side effects, it's most of the time I think 80% of the time it's advanced when people find it. And he was very. He was a little bit confused and and he made some funny comment and I'll never forget this and he goes I'm not sure what you're supposed to do, but it's something, because you've had cancer twice and and he's like ovarian cancer is just it's, it's a very serious diagnosis. And he's like I can't wait to see what it is.
Speaker 1:And I just laughed at him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he said I can't wait to see what it is. But you know again my get it done mentality. I remember waking up from surgery and looking at my husband and and looking like, did they find some? You know, I looked at him and he looked at me and he knew what I was asking and he yelled did you find? Did he find anything? And he shook his head and do you know what I said? I said gosh, this is so inconvenient.
Speaker 1:I can't go on my trips. First of all, and and at that point, if I'm doing my math right, you had a junior high and a high schooler. Yes, yes. So, you're in the throes of busy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I it was. It was really, it was a crazy, it was definitely a crazy time, and so what followed that was six, six rounds of chemotherapy, which isn't what every girl puts on their 50th birthday list, and so so we went through that and you know it's, it's now I'm six years, almost six years out. I had my five-year checkup last December and he said you know, we use the word cure after five years.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And so that was a really good word.
Speaker 1:I was so grateful. I'll never forget that Facebook post.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, it's like a cure, wow, okay. So you know I'm 26 years out of breast cancer, over five years of ovarian cancer, age 56, and really expectant. You know it was a hard season going through chemotherapy. They said you're going to be nauseated, you're not going to feel good and you're going to have low energy. And I laughed at my oncologist and I said you know, I don't participate in those things and what's interesting is I didn't have any side effects during chemo.
Speaker 1:Talk to us a little bit about that, because I know that we've had a lot of conversations about this. You are a picture of health. You take great care of yourself, you're very intentional and I know that you even have inspired in your I don't know if it was in your surgeon, your oncologist a whole new way of life because of the way that you were able to walk through that stage with such unbelievable success in not having all of those side effects and the way that you you know it makes sense when you talk about just your immediate processing of fix it, what's next? Just in the research that you did, the cold caps that you did to not lose your hair, all of these different things. Talk just a little bit, because I think there is this conversation and I'm not going to side one way or the other.
Speaker 1:I know we all have a lot of our own feelings and nobody knows how they will respond until they're sitting in that office chair. But I so admire, christina, the way that you took two things that were important to you. You took traditional medicine and you took natural holistic approach and you mirrored them together so beautifully to get these results that you have, where you have fought this twice. You are super healthy and you were able to get through it I think I don't want to say easier. You've got through it with much less side effects because of how you took care of yourself. Talk to Jess just a little bit about that decision to fight it cohesively with those two things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's a great question. You know, that's a whole podcast in and of itself, because I do have the privilege of sharing my journey with a lot of people. In fact, I've got a friend in Atlanta who just had bilaterals, literally two days ago, and she was someone that I worked with in corporate America back in the days. And you know, I just it's such a personal decision and that's what I really start out. I just say it's really a personal decision and I think it just for me it was so obvious about what I wanted to do, and that is, take the blessing of modern Western medicine but also come with hey, how can I help my body be in its best place? And so, you know, I knew the genetics that I was facing. I knew, but I also knew that the rest of my body needed my best me. And so for me it was really of what can I do and what schedule can I put myself on to where I show up for something that's hard as my best me from a health perspective? And so, you know, marrying those two was not really that hard because, I mean, honestly, I had a nutritionist come and talk to me before my ovarian cancer chemotherapy treatments. But back 26 years ago, when I had my breast cancer, no one asked me what I ate, what products I used or how I was handling stress. It was we're going to have a surgery. If you don't do both, you'll be on medication for the next 10 years. And these are the series of next steps of you know medical things. Do you have any questions Now? You know people are more thoughtful about it. People know that the whole body matters.
Speaker 2:So it was nice that when the nutritionist came to see me, I'm like I've checked that box. I'm here and so dealing with my gut health, getting enough protein. Even doing funky things like taking an antihistamine during chemotherapy was so helpful, like drinking a detox tea to help my liver, my kidneys bounce back, because chemo treats the whole body, not just the bad stuff of your body, and so I was able to really use some of that knowledge. And just eating and don't get me wrong, I mean I'm still a girl that when I get nauseated, nothing does it for me other than a Coke.
Speaker 2:So you know I I really try to do the 80, 20 part of life, but I can look back now and because, honestly, the short story was I didn't know that my oncologist was struggling with some health issues. So funny how doctors treat unhealthy people but yet they have the most unhealthy lifestyle because they're always working. I think you can apply that to so many people. But he came to me after my fourth round and he said you look like you're visiting someone going through chemotherapy. You don't look like a patient. Tell me what exactly you're doing. And now today he still follows that same plan.
Speaker 1:And he had a total life change.
Speaker 2:He lost 30 pounds and shortly thereafter found out he needed a heart stent, and his cardiologist told him, because he had lost that weight, his stent would be something that wouldn't be difficult for him to go through, and he called me to thank me. My oncologist called me to thank me for helping him and I said absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've seen pictures of you. I think you've posted pictures of you two together on Instagram and just how you were. He was your helper and you were his helper and what a cool God wink. That is for sure, and you know maybe that is another podcast down the road what we can talk about. But even random things, like you said like the antihistamine, like just these different things that it takes a network of people and supporters that have walked through and done the research, because not everybody is wired the same way.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of people that when they hit hardship, they can't function, and so you have compassion for people who are like that, in crisis, that maybe don't have access or the capacity to know some of the stuff that you know because of how God has wired you. So I know that your story, christina, is going to bless so many people and just celebrate with you that you are now in this stage. I love that you said too and I think it applies to everything, not just your cancer journey to everything, not just your cancer journey and I think that everybody listening can take something away from when you said I had to show up for my hard as my best self, and I think you don't very often think about those two things together we associate hard with I'm crumbling. And when you take that, when you really think about what it is that you said I need to show up for my heart as my best self. A lot of human nature is this is hard and so I'm going to give up ever. I'm going to just eat whatever I'm, whatever's right there, I'm going to go through fast food because it's hard and I can't process. And just showing up for life that way, whether it be in a hard day of parenting or a hard day of marriage or a hard season of marriage or, you know, walking your kids through really big stuff, showing up for our hard as our very best self, I think that is huge and so I think everybody that's a that's a good one that I'm going to be coming back to, but real quickly before we end, because I have to be selfish in some of my question asking.
Speaker 1:Talk to me about. So you've gone through two crazy cancer battles. You have the most precious family. I have the honor of being able to vacation with the Ware family and watching the interaction with Jay and the boys and you and your boys and just the family dynamics that you have are precious and you guys are an amazing family, and so you've gone through all of these seasons of your cancer diagnoses and raising these boys and getting them both off to college and one graduating. And so for a year now Charlie went to school last year you and your sweet husband, jay, have been empty nesting. Just tell me a little bit about this new season, what you're thinking, how you're feeling, because we are just a couple years away from the same yeah, well, again, that's a whole podcast.
Speaker 2:But I would like to challenge anyone that's going into an empty nest phase that genuinely has enjoyed their kids. Now, all kids come with hard stuff, right. But I think for most of us we genuinely love our children. And so we sort of talk about this whole 18 summer thing and the dread of the empty nest. But what if we changed that word and called ourselves bird launchers, because we're launching the babies out of the nest? It's what we pray for, it's what we hope for, but then it happens and we're like, okay, now wait just a minute.
Speaker 2:So we knew it was coming. I will say this the blessing of having children leave the house gives you the opportunity to spend more time with those that are still there. And we made a comment and we tell Charlie this all the time. We're like gosh. We had no idea how much we loved Charlie until Jake left the house, and so we loved those three years with Charlie, without Jake. But then, when Charlie left, my husband and I, because we chased them all through sports we're still chasing Jake through sports. You know, we we sort of mourned that season that that was over in the connections and the families that we were with, because of the things that our bubbles were touching. We were like our bubbles won't touch with that family as much anymore.
Speaker 2:And so in the bird launching season, when they're gone, the thing that I've realized is that it's the intention of connection, because you know it's, and a lot of people may not be able to relate this, but when your kids leave, you're like who? Who are our friends? Because your friends were whoever you were doing life with and suddenly you're not doing life with those people locally Because your friends were whoever you were doing life with and suddenly you're not doing life with those people locally. And so you know we've just been more deliberate and want to even be more so deliberate about just the connections, that taking time to spend with people, the investment, because I don't want my boys to ever look and go, gosh, mom and dad are so sad we're gone. Because I think our purpose is so much bigger than that. And I think when we look at like, what are you passionate about? What do you want to do? Where do you want to make a difference? And for me, honestly, it's relationships. That's my jam, because I think when life gets hard, it's the community that matters, and when life gets hard, the first thing we want to do is get quiet, and I'm like that's where, you know, that's where Satan is quiet and effective, because if he can get you alone, he will mess with your brain and that's not your assignment.
Speaker 2:And that's what I told Jay. I said, you know, I feel like we're in this whole new season, it's like we've flipped the page, but I'm excited and I'm expected. And so for us, you know, we still make every opportunity to see our kids and do things with our kids. We just took them to Maui with us in January. You know we're doing those things that we know probably won't happen once they get out of school start their own families and things like that. So we're taking all those opportunities, but for Jay and I, we really just it's we want to do more things together. We want, you know, we all did things as a family, but sometimes we get sort of in task mode and and so that relationship is not as nurtured as you could make it. And so when I say connections, that means with each other. So it's just the intentionalness of that, because I think initially, honestly, when they left, we both just started working more.
Speaker 1:So you can go into default mode of just filling the time with stuff instead of really taking inventory of like what do I want to replace that time with?
Speaker 2:So default mode when things get hard, you go quiet. When kids leave, you work more. And I think it's the intentionalness of looking at that space and saying, well, that was easy, that was easy, but that's not what we want. And really, and that's all about I mean, we don't get it right. We still work, more than probably what we would like to admit that we do.
Speaker 2:But I don't want to waste anything and I think when you've been through something hard, like for me, cancer twice another podcast is our son that plays college football had open heart surgery at six months there's so many things that remind you that life is short. It is short but it's the longest thing that we do. And so, when you think about it, we all have the freedom to be intentional, to invest in ourselves, to remember you know that it's self-worth, not others worth. It's, it's what's important to us. It's like what, what's your assignment? It's pretty important. I always say to my kids I'm like you're the only one that got your assignment assignment, so no one else can do it for you. And so busyness is something that I struggle with because, for whatever reason, that's a really happy place for me, but it also pushes a lot of really important things out of my day, and so I'm just being more intentional, starting the Bible recap this year.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:We're doing that together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love seeing your updates. I'm on target so far. I know it's early in the year. I had somebody tell me I make it to June every year and I fall off, which I was grateful, they said, because I'm like, okay, note to self, summer could be a time where you could fall off course, but just being intentional about and I do it's the season where your time does shift and you do notice that you've got chunks of time where you are home alone.
Speaker 1:As a mom, I've never experienced time alone like sometimes days, because my husband travels and kids are gone and doing things, and it's an interesting stage and when you are intentional I get really excited. I don't get excited about, you know, not having my kids here anymore, but I get really excited about being able to take this stage. Like you said, somebody else just said to me the empty nesting stage is probably the longest stage, Lord willing, of your life. When you're looking at chunks of time and just to be able to do that well, still show up for your kids, still be a great grandma and a great in-law, a mother-in-law, but to really be able to say I did these other stages well, with a lot of sacrifice, and now I am at a stage where I can really focus on some hobbies or a little extra intention in my marriage, or traveling, or really letting my health be an hour or two of my day, which you just cannot do when you have a lot of little people and you're in that crazy stage of life. So it is an exciting time and I love watching people who are a few steps ahead of me do it.
Speaker 1:And so, christina, I just adore you, I love you, I love your just optimism for life. I know that that comes not out of like a rainbows and unicorn, but it comes out of your faith and out of just all the things that you've talked about being accountable for how you show up, for being the helper, for not carrying the past, all the different things that you mentioned. To just wrap it up, if you were to talk to somebody that's listening, that maybe is right in the middle of their battle they're in the full-on ashes, part of the ashes to beauty what would you say to the person that's right in the center of their heart as a word of encouragement? Wow.
Speaker 2:I have a lot of things to say, but what I will say is what I just shared with my friend yesterday and I'm like the heart is hard and I even I think I even used the word. I know this sucks. So I think just being in it and being honest enough and the emotion that comes with it take time to do all that, but also to realize it's a season. It's a season, and so look for the helpers and the God winks and also look for the ways that you can be grateful. I think it's hard to be anxious and grateful at the same time, and I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't want people to think that my life is cupcakes and unicorns because there's been so much hard.
Speaker 2:It started very, at a very early age for me, so I've experienced a ton of hard, but I also think you know it's there's so many good things and I just don't want to miss the good stuff. I don't want to miss the good stuff that that sometimes gets left behind because we're so focused on the hard in our life, and it's life is what happens to you while you're making plans, and so you're going to have some hard stuff. But what if? What if? And I told, and I told my friend this and she was like, oh, christina, I'm going to quit messaging you. But I was like what if this tornado that blew into your life, that looks like it is disrupting everything, like everything from start to finish? What if it's clearing a path for you for something new? And I said so where you are right now, as a season that's going to prep you for the next, and it won't be wasted? God didn't waste stuff like that, and so that was that's what I told her.
Speaker 1:Preparing a path, and sometimes you hear so many stories where people say, if I had the chance to go back and undo, you know, when you're far removed it would be different, probably to talk about it in the storm. But once you've come out of that storm I know for us in our lives there's so many that although you never want to redo that hardship what it made you into, the lessons that you learn I mean the Bible is clear about that right. With suffering and struggles comes perseverance and character and endurance. And we have to go. You don't get to be the person that you want to become, you don't get to have the wisdom you want to have the insight that you want to be able to have if you don't hit hardship, and so just to be able to see it that way is so encouraging. So I hope everybody has been able to take just so many little nuggets out of this conversation.
Speaker 1:Christina, I adore you and am so grateful for your friendship and have been so encouraged by you as you have walked through all of these different journeys and you are just such a light. You are the epitome of the Helper and I'm just grateful to know you, grateful to call you friend. So, listeners, thank you so much for being here for another week. Make sure that you share this podcast. When we rate, review and share this podcast, that's how it gets into the algorithms and new people find us that are looking for the content that we provide here, which is focused on cultivating strong families, and so if you're willing to share, rate and review, it means so much to us. And just thanks for being here for another week and thank you, christina, for sharing with our listeners. So until next week, friends, take care.